Cheating

I think what I’m about to say is gonna be a very unpopular opinion. But I shall state my point anyway.

This post is inspired by a series of ugly events I witnessed online. To do with… Cheating.

Now often, it’s the guy who cheats. Right?

WRONG.

Girls cheat too. For every guy who cheats, I’m sure there’s a girl somewhere cheating too.

But why do we think men are always the cheating bastards?

Cos girls are way more vocal about their pain.

Girls need to cry, rant, get enraged, depressed, need sympathy, strength, and they achieve these being vocal about the hurt that they feel.

Men? It’s “unmanly” and “gay” to be mopey and sad. In front of your bros, it’s already embarrassing enough having been cheated on. So I’d think most guys just mask their feelings, at least more than girls do, and at least make a show of moving on.

Different people define “cheating” differently. Could be physically sleeping with someone else, or emotionally having romantic feelings for someone else, or flirting. Someone I knew defined it as “anything that you know would upset your partner and you still choose to do it and you hide it from him/her”, which I suppose is relevant too.

Now with all the social media available to us these days, people are increasingly exposed. Social media opens doors to unprecedented levels of temptation which leads to potential cheating, yes? Tempting pics, “perfect” lives, “angelic” personalities. The grass on the other side looks fuckin green all the time.

And with all the private messaging going on, it’s easy to receive and/or send a text without getting caught. One thing leads to another and before you know it, things are out of hand.

I think fidelity takes more discipline these days. No matter how great the love.

Because of social media as well, it’s the norm to post about your happy/sad times, to share your relationship ups and downs, even to complete strangers. So what the fuck happens when you get cheated on?

I’d think the standard response for most girls would be to rant and bitch on their platforms. About their bastard bf/husband and the whoring slut who broke them up.

And the amazing thing is, women LOVE a cheating story! They seem to love coming together like a support group and egg the cheatie on, especially when they themselves have been cheated on before. Tons of advice(solicited or not) will be strewn around for free, and the guy and said slut would be crucified and shredded. It will literally never end till the cheatie completely moves on.

To this I say, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR RELATIONSHIP REALLY?

Now I’m not saying cheating is fine and should be forgiven. Let me make it clear that I do not condone it.

But what I don’t understand is why women love to support a story they only know angry/hurt fragments of ONE SIDE of?

How often do you see a guy sharing HIS side of the story? Whether he’s the cheatie or the cheater?

I think guys have the shit end of this deal cos when they cheat, it’s fuckin Armageddon, no questions asked and he’s damned for the rest of eternity. And when they get cheated on, how many of them do come forth to properly tell and explain their pain the way girls do?

I’m sure guys feel the same pain, just that society doesn’t allow them to show it the way girls are free to.

And THIS, I really don’t get: Why is it accepted that when women cheat, it’s “oh she must have her reasons” and “The guy must be fucked up to her that’s why she couldn’t take it” and when men cheat, it’s always “he’s a horny bastard who couldn’t keep it in his pants”? Total sexism right there.

Cheating hurts people. Doesn’t matter the gender. Doesn’t matter the reason.

I suppose it’s human nature to feel sympathy for someone who shares her pain, and I don’t blame women for empathizing with a cheatie who conveys her pain well.

My point is, DRAW THE LINE.

What need or point is there to slam someone to the point of eternal damnation when you barely know either party in the relationship?

Were you there during all THEIR happy moments? Were you there when their relationship broke down? Were you there when the cheatie went all psycho on the cheater?

Even if you’re friends, there will always be things you never know. Things that go on between a couple that only the couple themselves know.

So ease up on the hating. Just cos you felt x level of pain when you got cheated on doesn’t mean you know THIS relationship well enough to be hating on the cheater as if he himself caused you x pain.

NOBODY IS PERFECT. EVEN IF YOU’VE BEEN CHEATED ON, YOU ARE NOT PERFECT. Just cos you aren’t the one who cheated doesn’t make you a saint.

To the girls and guys who’ve been cheated on, rant away. You’ve been done an injustice and you have every right to be angry and in pain. BUT. I hope you have the maturity and grace to know the boundaries of your ranting and your own imperfections and how the make or break of a relationship always takes 2.

And to those girls who love to air their dirty laundry for all to see, it’s the small-minded and myopic who agree blindly with you. It might make you feel good temporarily but imo, you chose to take this man as your husband/bf.

Have some respect; not necessarily for him, but for the choice you once made.

I’ve been on all ends of the people I’ve talked about in this post. I’ve been cheated on, I’ve never cheated but I have lied in past relationships, I’ve displayed my broken heart and my dirty laundry for all to see, and I’ve also been part of the small-minded blind lot who hate on cheaters when I knew nothing about them.

And now I know better. Even if my heart breaks, the broken pieces are too precious to be shared with the world. I’m either dumping my dirty laundry or sending it to the dry-cleaners where no one will see.

Emotional drama should always stay in fiction.

But that’s just me. Feel free to disagree. X

P/S: I’ve grown up right? The me 2 years ago would have scorned at this post lol.

 

10 thoughts on “Cheating

  1. Hey Kaykay, thank you so much for this post. I am myself a victim of a cheating relationship. I kept it to myself, but my relatives/friends found out anyway, through some other platform. I’ve chosen to forgive him. But, my friends (except my best one) and family have been hurling “advise” at me “for my own good”. Most of them are egging me to leave this relationship. And really it does me no good. I have tried to move on from this, but ironically my friends and family (who are supposed to be supportive) are giving me all these negative feelings that I am starting to lose my sanity. Of what’s real and what’s not. Thank you for this post, yours might be the only post on cheating that has made me feel I have not made the wrong decision. You are completely right – being cheated on hurts like hell, and people obviously judge based on what they see on the surface. But were they there during the good times, during the trying times when we never gave up on one another? It seems I am a tad naive when I speak of it in this manner, but I know I made the right decision. And even if it shows I’m wrong in the end, at least I made this decision on my own, and not be negative influence. I don’t want to end up saying “I shouldn’t have done this. I should’ve listened to myself”.

    Of course, cheating is intolerable, and painful as fuck. But everyone makes mistakes, right? Thank you for your post again.

  2. Guys always get the short end of the stick. I’m a girl, but I can’t stand the whole a guy must always “be this, be that” kind of concept. Poor guys, having to take the brunt of all the crap.

  3. Hi kaykay, i’m an avid reader and follower of your social media. I do realise that it has been quite a while that you have not posted any updates on your boyfriend. Would like to know is this post reflective of your relationship status? Are you no longer in a relationship? Curious to know bcos I was happy for you when you’re attached, you seemed so happy in sky high all the time. Does not seem the same anymore these days :s – Fan of yours

  4. I really do agree.
    To some degree, I always believe that the public (be it acquaintances to close friends) love it when they see someone going through emotional turmoil. Very few will truly feel sorry for the cheatie. (Well, they may.. but once you turn your back, who knows?) All there is to it is just…. nosy people who loves a good drama.

  5. Your posts displayed more maturity than the last time i clicked on your blog 2 or 3 years ago. Especially after that weird variety show you starred on that time as one of the models who engaged in so much backstabbing and hurt. I was so shocked why anyone would want to see such a thing. I clicked on your blog today because i saw another one defaming your blogpost advertorial. You ignored it. And moved on. And after reading that last bit about not being a blogger anymore, i marvelled at the lack of curse words in your post. Most of your posts lack them now. No wtfs or f words splattered all over the post unlike some bloggers who come across as teenagers who doesnt know how to write, or speak, in a gracious manner. And at the same time spreading such hate around. You used to be one of them. Now I see a woman. A beautiful one who is sensitive to others. Keep it up. I would love to read anything you write, even your ads. (:

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